Spontaneity

Anyone who knows me well knows I'm a planner. I like my calendars, my lists, my charts, etc. I mean, God is a God of order, right? That's the line I always pull out when people are attacking me about my "order" disorder anyway. Seriously though, it's important to plan, to think before we act, to be careful in our actions and consider the outcomes, set goals, manage our time, and all that. By doing that, we can have more time to spend ministering and the time we do have can be more productive. That said, I know that there are sometimes I need to loosen up. :) My husband is very spontaneous. I used to love that. Now at times, I allow it to irritate me..."You're not thinking of the kids...we just can't do that...what if..." But you know what, I think I need to listen to him more. Matter of fact, I know it.

Today I was blessed with an opportunity that if I had stuck to my schedule, I would have missed out on. This week our students at church are at camp. They called this morning and said they needed parents to help get the kids to the beach. My first response was no...cause my schedule was full and I still had my 4 and 5 year olds to think about. Four hours at the beach with them in the hot South Florida sun was not my idea of a good time :) But then I thought about it. And felt that nudge from God. I could rearrange my schedule. And if I packed right, it could be a good trip for all involved. So I said yes.

...now, I will say this to all you anti-organizing folks...because I already had my beach bag packed and I was prepared with snacks and stuff for last minute emergencies, I was ABLE to say yes. SO, perhaps planning can even help us be more spontaneous...:) but, back to my story now....

I hadn't seen my oldest in 3 days. So that was my first blessing. Then seeing the kids have such good attitudes, even though they were worn out. That was nothing short of a miracle! :) Then I got to watch, from a distance, their teamwork and the way the leaders were really pushing them and stretching them. Some people might see the activities and crazy things they're doing and think, "What is the point?" But I'll tell you this. I saw kids today doing things they never thought they could do, and never could have done alone. I saw leaders encouraging students, patting them on the back and building TRUE relationships. I saw kids with genuine smiles who were amazed at what they were able to do when they dug down deep and tried with everything they had. And, I sat in a car for two different 45 minute rides with four teenagers who not once uttered a single complaint. Wow. Not only did I get to witness all that, but I had a great time at the beach playing with my younger two kids.

Thank you, Woo, for teaching me to be more spontaneous. And thank you, Lord for blessing me when I am obedient.

Journaling

I'm one of the worst ones when it comes to journaling. I can reason with the best of them on why it's good for us. How it helps us to remember what God has done in our lives, what he's brought us through. And increases our faith that he will bring us through the current situation in our life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's helpful and good for me. But do I do it? Naw. I'm my own worst enemy. I've done it before. Kept a prayer journal for a couple months, and it was amazing to go back over in just a few months and see all the prayers God had answered. Most of them I'd forgotten about. Even the ones that seemed SOOOO pressing at the time they were prayed. As soon as God answered 'em, I tucked it away and forgot. Now, I'd usually give up the praise right after the triumph, but as soon as things got tough again, where was I? Where was my faith? Hadn't I learned anything? Thank God He is more faithful than I.

Just as I'm sure many of us could say, over the last few years, there have been some really sccary and trying times. Decisions that had to be made, questions that had to be answered, and even some scary situations where we didn't know what how in the world we'd get through them. Guess what...we did. Or should I say, He did. Just recently, a friend of mine lost her 8 year-old boy. It's really brought back many feelings and emotions that I thought I had overcome. But anxiety is a tough one. I know I'm not to be anxious. So right now, I'm lifting up things to God. The Watson family, especially sweet little Abigail; my teenager; our finances.

I'm so glad I started this blog a few days ago. Right now I'm in the middle of a very anxious moment. I went back and read what I wrote about Kaylee and it reminded me of what God can do. Wow, technology is a good thing :) It acted as my prayer journal. And there have been SOO many prayers answered since...and even before. How can I doubt anymore? God, I surrender all to you. I know you are in control. I know no matter what happens, you are working things for the good of those that love you. My prayer is that you would give me the courage and endurance to stand obedient to You, under your protection and blessings. To not get in your way and cause more pain and grief. But that I can just be still and know that YOU ARE GOD.

What's in a name?

OK, it's been on my heart to start blogging for quite some time now. Could give a number of excuses for it, but since I hate excuses, I won't bore you with mine :) Anyway, I'm gonna give it a try. Perhaps in the process, I can get a little therapy through writing and possibly even provide some encouragement for others.

Those that know me will totally understand the name I gave the blog :) For those that don't, it's not about natural pesticides or a cutesy reference for all things "girly." For me, ladybugs remind me of my faith in God, and my sweet little girl, Kaylee. Kaylee was only in our lives for three short months. Well, actually, I guess it was a full year if you count the time she was growing inside of me. But at the age of 3 months and 2 days, she died suddenly due to an undetected heart defect.

I praise God for the time we had with her. I know I'm probably biased, but she was absolutely the most beautiful baby. And I'm sure this sounds cliche, but she touched the hearts of all who laid eyes on her. We couldn't go anywhere without people just loving all over her...and of course she was giving it right back. The small Korean church where we were serving, couldn't have a service if she was there. NO ONE paid any attention to the poor pastor...they were all focused on little Kaylee. :) She had this plush ladybug rattle that she loved. And she had a bouncy seat with a ladybug, caterpillar, and butterfly. She would giggle as she watched them spin and dangle in front of her. She had these adorable little pink pajamas with, you guessed it, ladybugs all over them :) She was our little ladybug.

When the first anniversary of her death began to approach, I searched and searched for a meaningful way to remember her. I couldn't just forget. It wasn't possible. And for those out there dealing with the same type of issue who are trying to forget a lost loved one, please stop. It won't work. The option of locking myself in my room and crying all day sounded appealing to a part of me, but the wiser part (although it's a much smaller part :) knew that wasn't healthy. I had to come up with a way to honor her memory, but more importantly, honor the God who helped my family get through the previous year.

Everytime I saw a ladybug, it reminded me of her. So, I looked into ladybugs and the history of them. Sounds silly, eh? But what I found out led me to what we decided was the perfect way of celebrating little Kaylee as well as pointing us back to Christ. You see, ladybugs are what you call "good bugs." They eat the "bad bugs." After finding that out, I realized that Kaylee truly was a ladybug in every sense. You see, her short little existence was enough to eat up a lot of the bad things in my life and in the lives of my family. Her smile melted bitterness. Her laugh destroyed anger. Even her cry fought off impatience and selfishness. And her death brought us to our knees pleading with God for help. He did just that. I know Kaylee is safe in heaven waiting on me. I miss her everyday, but I know I'll see my little ladybug again. Without a doubt. And until that time, I will do my very best to keep those bad bugs far from me and those around me.

So, that's what I would like this blog to be about. Fighting off those bad bugs and other things that come into our lives and eat up all that is good. God, thank you for the ladybugs!


How the Ladybug got its Name
In Medieval time in Europe, bad bugs were destroying all the crops. The farmers prayed and these little red beetles showed up. They ate up all the bad bugs and saved the crops. They named these good bugs after the Virgin Mary, calling them Beetles of the Lady, because they believed that God had answered their prayers and sent the bugs to save them. Over time, the name has changed to Lady beetles, Ladybirds, and now the most common, Ladybugs. So now every time you see one of those cute little ladybugs, you can be reminded that God hears and answers our prayers!

We've declared March 29 Ladybug Day. We usually release live ladybugs some where and give out some kind of ladybug token with cards explaining the story of the ladybug and the verse Jeremiah 33:3. It's helped us turn a day that probably would be unbearable into something that encourages us, our family and hopefully those around us. To know that even in death, my little girl can still make an impact to those whose lives she touches is healing.